It depends on whether we are talking about the little lies of everyday life or the big, serious lies. We have a good idea for the little lies. In romantic relationships that are not married relationships, people lie in one out of every three conversations. With a spouse, they lie in one out of every 10 conversations. We don't know whether people become more honest as they become more serious about the relationship, or whether they are more honest from the outset with the person they will eventually marry. It is different for serious lies. When people lie about something big - such as an affair, or about some other terrible thing they did, or just about anything else they consider serious - they are more likely to tell those lies to the people they care about the most. Our spouses and the other people we feel closest to are the ones who have the highest expectations for us. That means it is especially hard to tell them that you have fallen so short of those expectations. Now you might be thinking "Are all lies bad? "It might seem so in the abstract. But we live in the real world. We might value honesty and want to be honest, but we sometimes value other qualities at the same time, such as compassion or loyalty. Sometimes, two noble goals come into conflict. If you tell the truth, you will be unkind, and if you say something kind, it will be a lie. Sometimes when people lie to the ones they love, it is because they are valuing something else more than honesty. Maybe they are trying to be loyal, or to avoid hurting the other person's feelings. Maybe they think that the other person isn't in a good enough place, emotionally, to hear a painful truth. Liars sometimes claim to tell lies so as to spare the other person from pain. Sometimes they really mean it. But they can also be using that as an excuse to give themselves an out. Sometimes people tell what I call "kind-hearted lies." Those are the lies told to spare someone else's feelings or make them look better to others or feel better. Examples include: "I know just how you feel;" "you did the right thing;" "you look great." If you care about someone, you are more likely to tell them those kinds of lies. Many of the other little lies of everyday life are told to make the liars look better or feel better or get what they want. Those are the self-serving lies. They can be told because the liars really are acting in a self-centered way, but there's another reason, too. Sometimes liars claim to be smarter or kinder or more accomplished than they really are because they are trying to impress the other person. So, they puff up their own image because they care so much about what the other person thinks of them. They want to create a good impression, but they are not sure whether their true self will be good enough. So they lie. Probably more of this kind of lying goes on when potential partners are first getting to know each other. Serious lies are a whole other matter. When we asked people about the most serious lie they ever told to anyone, and the most serious lie anyone ever told to them, they described lies about many different things. But the most common were lies about affairs. Fear. Fear of being unloved for revealing a less than attractive result to something that has occurred either from something human we did or reacted to. Embarrassment. Embarrassment and the fear of being disliked for something we may have done that makes us look like someone our loved one, we think, believes we are not. We are AFRAID to reveal the imperfect truth that lies in all of us. Imperfection. Period. We are fearful to reveal it's truth's. In some cases we have been hurt by the person we love for being honest in the past. This is enevitable to some extent in any long term relationship, but is a reason why we feel compelled to lie about future things simply because of the past history of revealing less than perfect faults or problems in the past, and the fear of being hurt by the other's response as well. Some people have a history of lying to everyone in their past and feel no respect or need to be truthful with anyone in their life today. Past Pain. Bad habits, lessons learned for 'emotional' survival in past relationships, parents,spouses etc. It is learned in most cases from other uncaring, lying persons in one's past. Lastly, and the saddest I believe is the reason that lies in not being held responsible for lying or being lied to. The child who grows up being spoiled, protected and held unaccountable for bad behavior, attached to lying. Overprotective, unscroupulous parents raise this kind of child if no accountability or correction is given to the child. Simply stated, and adult child will be raised. The real question now is how do we change the behavior. Only God can answer this.